A Penguin With A Tie
by Nikki Kirk
Summary: A boring day at the Sydney Water Police HQ leaves the staff going nuts. But as Jeff so wisely says "It's a bit too quiet around here for my liking..."


*Disclaimer: I don't know them, I don't own them, and I'm not one of them. Sorry Hal and Co, I just borrowed the Rats dolls! I'll give them back now, here you go. Just kidding! Here you go. Just kidding! I'll need them later!!! Haha, if you're a good boy, I'll give them to Santa to give to you when he slides through the air conditioner. The Rachel doll came out of this one relatively intact, and the Frank doll is still handcuffed to the chair until the Helen doll comes to rescue him. Don't worry your little head, he should be free by Christmas! And I'm not affiliated with anyone or any brand mentioned in this story.   
  
Warning: This does contain some bad language, but you've heard it all before.   
  
Author: Nikki Kirk  
  
E-mail: sydneygirl2b@hotmail.com . Feedback would be greatly appreciated, especially since this is my first fan-fic!!!  
  
*****  
A Penguin In A Tie  
By Nikki Kirk  
*****  
  
  
Rachel Goldstein drummed her fingers on the desk. It was shaping out to be one of the most boring days that the Sydney Water Police had ever experienced. It was 1pm. There hadn't been one call into the station. All Rachel's cases had been solved, all of her paperwork had been completed over two hours ago, and she was sick of playing around with the different rings on her Motorola cellphone.  
"Grrrr!" she muttered in frustration.  
  
Frank's voice drifted up the steel staircase. "She was one heck of a Sheila, you shoulda seen her Tommy!" Frank drooled loudly to an amused-looking Tommy.  
"Frank, you think every woman in Sydney's a sheila!" Helen pointed out rather bluntly, not looking up from the game she was playing on her Gameboy she kept in her desk for the odd occasion when she was bored to tears, like this one.  
"I do not." Frank said, looking insulted.  
Tommy laughed, and went back outside to help Gavin give the Nemesis a "carwash".  
Rachel came down the stairs slowly, sighing with boredom. Helen looked up momentarily to see if Goldie had a job for her. "Sorry Helen, no such luck." Rachel said, having read Helen's mind.  
Helen sighed, then looked back to find to find she'd misplaced a brick. "Damn!" She cursed under her breath.  
"Whadda ya think of going out for lunch, eh Goldie?" Frank asked Rachel, looking just as bored as she was.  
"Yeh, why not. That okay with you, Helen?" she asked Helen, who was fully absorbed in her game.  
"Yeah, fine with me, check with Jeff first though." Helen muttered, wincing as she misplaced yet another brick and losing the game.  
"Be right back." Rachel remarked to Frank, and shot up the stairs, two at a time.  
"Jeff, me and Frank are off to lunch, that okay?" Rachel said, with her head poking around the doorframe of the Chief Inspector's office.  
"How long?" Jeff asked looking up from a travel magazine.  
"Oh, 'bout an hour? You can reach us both on our mobiles."   
"Yeah, fine. It's a bit too quiet around here for my liking... Make sure you keep your phones on." Jeff told Rachel, well aware that days like this could easily turn hectic on them with little or no warning.  
"Sure." Rachel pulled her head out of the doorway, went into her and Frank's office, grabbed her purse, and began walking out when her phone on her desk rang.  
"Not now!" Rachel said, picking up the phone.  
"Goldstein." She answered.  
"Yeh, it's Santa Claus here, have you been a good girl?" Frank said, with Helen yelling at him to stop being mean in the background.  
"Well, yes I have Santa. It's a bit early to be delivering prezzies, it's two weeks till Christmas." Rachel replied, grinning at the thought of Frank dressed up in a Santa suit.  
"Yeh, I like to get things over and done with early." Came Frank's reply.  
"Uh huh, be down in a minute Santa." Rachel said, eager to get going.  
"Well, do hurry, 'coz the reindeer are getting impatient." Frank said, winking at Helen.  
Rachel put the phone back, and walked out of the door. Frank looked up as he saw her coming down the stairs. "Ready Santa?" Rachel inquired, giving Helen a sideways look as she sat behind the desk trying to stifle a giggle.  
"Yeh, you SURE you've been a good girl?" Frank asked, looking Rachel up and down.  
  
Helen laughed as Frank herded Rachel out of the door, then gave up on trying to win a game. She decided to go out and see what Gavin and Tommy were up to. As she walked along the jetty, she tried to figure out what Gavin and Tommy were doing. Tommy was holding Gavin overboard by the ankles, and Gavin was doing something to the hull. "What are you doing?" Helen asked, sneaking up behind Tommy.   
Tommy jumped, and loosened his grip on poor Gavin's ankles, who then went plummeting head-first   
into the water. "Oops!" Tommy said looking shocked.  
Helen cracked up laughing as Gavin's emerged out of the water. "What'd ya do that for?!" Gavin yelled, splashing a handful of water at Tommy, who, by now, was in hysterics as well.  
"Sorry Gav!" Tommy laughed, watching him moving towards the ladder on the jetty.   
Gavin pulled himself up onto the jetty, and began dripping his way back to the boat, only to discover that he had an audience. Rachel had forgotten her mobile, and had dragged Frank back to the station, where they had both been witnesses. The pair were hunched over, laughing their heads off, and the rest of the station were watching from the balconies. "You'll make the national dive team yet!" Woodsie yelled from a balcony.  
With that, the whole station totally cracked up, and most officers were rolling around on the ground laughing.   
  
As soon as Helen had regained some of her composure, she again asked what they had been doing. "Polishing the hull." Came Gavin's wet reply, then he stomped up the jetty to the Headquarters to get changed, sulking all the way.  
Helen stumbled back to her desk, laughing harder than she had been before. The rest of the staff went back inside, still hooting with laughter, and Frank and Rachel headed off to lunch - again.  
  
*****  
  
"Poor Gavin!" Rachel said as she got in the green Magna.  
"Yeh, how embarrassing eh?" Frank replied with a huge grin.  
"Yeah!" Rachel sniggered.   
"So, where to? Cutter's?" Frank asked.  
"Nah, not open till 5pm. How about Chinese?" Rachel suggested.  
"Yeh, sounds good." Frank said, pulling into the carpark of their favourite Chinese Food place, 'Lee's'.  
"Whadda you want?" Frank asked his partner.  
"Ooh, hmm, tough decision.... I'll go for the seafood chow mein." Rachel replied.  
"Okay then, back in a flash." Frank said, getting out of the car, nearly getting hit in the bum by an arriving car which honked loudly.  
Frank pulled his bum in, and went in to get the food, while Rachel sat in the car listening to her newest CD, 'Mix' by Stellar.   
"Nihilistic? How'd they manage to get that word into a song eh?" Frank exclaimed, getting back in and passing the food to Rachel.  
"I dunno. Love their accent though. Nye-uh-lus-tuc tend-un-cees." Rachel imitated a kiwi accent.  
"Yeh, nice place is New Zealand." Frank said thoughtfully.  
"Yeah? And how would you know that?" Rachel asked sceptically.  
"'Coz I've been there, that's why!" Frank exclaimed, looking hurt.  
"Oh, really?"  
"Yeh."  
"Yeah?"  
"Yeh!"  
"Okay then." Rachel said, not wanting to get into a raging debate on such a nice day.  
"The rugby fullas aren't bad looking." Rachel commented slyly.  
"Yeh?"  
"Yeah. Where are we going to eat, bearing in mind that it's 30C and I'm melting." Rachel inquired.  
"Uh, waterfront? Under the Norfolk's at Manly even?" Frank suggested.  
"Yeah, Manly sounds pretty good! Have you got $2 for the toll charges?" Rachel asked, hoping to avoid splitting up a ten-dollar note.  
"Nope. You?"  
"No."  
"Put on the bells and whistles then." Frank said slyly.  
"I've got a ten dollar note?" Rachel offered grudgingly.  
"Here we go, bells and whistles it is." Frank said, putting the light on the roof and putting the sirens on.  
"Frank, you're so immoral. Jeff'll kill us if he finds out!" Rachel grumped, secretly enjoying the ride.  
"IF he finds out, which is unlikely." Frank commented.  
The green Magna sped its way up to a tollbooth, all cars making way as the car sped through onto the bridge.  
  
*****  
  
Helen sat behind the desk wondering what to do now. She'd vacuumed out the whole station, cleaned up her and the holidaying Tayler's desk, finished all of the filing, taken a message for Tommy who now was the one who was polishing the hull, hanging by his ankles from Gavin, who looked to be enjoying the experience, and had polished all of the ground story windows. What to do, what to do. She sighed loudly, and walked into the meal room to get a coffee. She looked out of the sliding doors while the water boiled. Maybe she could do the gardening? 'No, bad idea.' She thought, walking back to her desk.  
  
*****  
  
The two detectives parked the car underneath the Norfolk palms, and ate their lunch, looking out at the sparkling blue water. "This is nice." Commented Rachel.  
"Lovely." Frank returned.   
"I want to go for a swim." Rachel said suddenly.  
"Go on then." Frank said, chewing on a piece of carrot.  
"Don't talk with your mouth full. I can't, I haven't got my swimsuit." Rachel pointed out.  
"Go in yer bra and undies then." Frank suggested, wincing as he received a hard thump on the arm from Rachel.  
"You're a jerk Holloway." Rachel replied, looking peeved.  
Frank grinned at Rachel only to receive another hard thump on the arm.  
Rachel got out of the car. "Where you off to?" Frank asked curiously.  
"None of your bloody business." Rachel replied grumpily.  
"Nah, seriously?" Frank asked again, giving Rachel a puppy-dog-look.  
"To put my rubbish in the bin! Jeez, Holloway!" Rachel sighed, giving him a sideways look.  
Frank watched her walk over to the bin, admiring her behind as she walked away from the car. He hurriedly went back to eating as Rachel turned around and spotted him eyeing her from the car.  
"You're a nosey little bastard, anyone tell you that Holloway?" she asked, climbing back into the car.  
"Yeh, you just did Goldie." Frank replied.  
"Shut up Frank."   
"Okay."  
  
*****  
  
Helen rushed back to the desk to answer the phone which was bleating at her from behind a stack of neatly organised paper, throwing the duster at the cupboard she'd got it from. "Sydney Water Police, Sergeant Blakemore speaking." Helen answered.  
"Robbery in progress? Manly Beach? Right, will do." Helen said to the person on the other end and hung up.   
Finally, some action! She picked up the radio microphone. "All available cars to Manly Beach Jewellery Store, robbery in progress. The two suspects armed and dangerous, I repeat, armed and dangerous!" Helen said clearly.   
She picked up her phone and dialled Rachel's mobile.  
  
*****  
  
Rachel choked on her coke when her mobile rang impatiently from the glovebox. She retrieved it and pressed send. "Goldstein...(cough, cough!)" she choked.  
"Yeah, Rachel, it's Helen, sorry to spoil your lunch, but we've got an armed robbery on at the Manly Beach Jewellery Store on the main road." Helen burbled through the phone.  
"Sure, E.T.A, around five minutes." Rachel replied, pressing end.  
"Frank!" Rachel yelled at Frank who was milling around on the beach."  
"We've got an armed robbery in progress! I'm driving!" Rachel yelled when she had his attention.  
"But I want to drive!" Frank complained.  
"Poor baby." Rachel said acidically as he plonked himself in the passenger's seat.  
She turned on the ignition, slammed the car into reverse, put it into first gear, and planted her foot on the accelerator. The car screeched off up the lane, and pulled onto the main road.   
  
*****  
  
As Rachel cautiously pulled up outside, a uniform car pulled up. She and Frank reached for their metal friends, pulling them out of their holsters. Ducking around the car, Rachel saw that there was at least one person injured by the blood on the carpet. Suddenly she spotted a package sitting on the display casing. She signalled for the "uniforms" to get back, and picked up the radio. "Helen? Get the bomb guys down here? There's a suspiciously large package for a ring shop on the display cases. We're going to begin evacuating anyone left in the vicinity. Over." Rachel reported.   
"Okay, the bomb squad are on the way. Be careful Rachel. Over." Helen replied.  
"Will do Helen. Over." Rachel ended.  
"Senior Detective Constable Rachel Goldstein," Rachel flashed her badge at the two officers, "You two, you go check if anyone is in the first six shops over on the left side, seal off the street after you've finished." Rachel instructed the 'uniforms' and then went over to another uniform car that had pulled up.   
"Senior Detective Constable Rachel Goldstein," Rachel repeated, flashing her badge once more, "There's a possible bomb in the shop on the display cases. Stay away from the windows, and what ever you do, don't go in. We think they are being held in the safe, so if the bomb detonates, they should be alright. I need you to go and check the first six shops on right side of the store, and evacuate all occupants in the shops, okay? And seal off the road when you've evacuated them." Rachel instructed the new pair of 'uniforms'.   
"Yes, Detective."   
Rachel moved the Magna, while Frank moved one of the uniform cars to a safer place. Rachel glanced at her watch. Five minutes had passed, and only now were more cars arriving. Suddenly Rachel whipped around at the cry of a woman, then spotted a toddler heading towards the Jewellery store. She ran over and scooped the child up, and had begun running to safety when the bomb detonated. Rachel flew through the air, still clutching the frightened child, and landed hard on the tarmac road. She just lay there as police officers came running, and an ambulance pulled up, siren shrieking. Rachel didn't move. Frank sprinted across to her, pushing officers out of the way to get to her. "Rach? Rach! Come on Rach!" Frank said desperately.   
Rachel didn't move. Frank gently pulled a large shard of glass out of her back, and applied pressure to her wound. Another officer gently took the screaming child out of her arms, and took him to another ambulance that had arrived. An ambulance crew rushed over to the injured Detective. A female officer came up to Frank, and carefully led him away. Rachel didn't move.  
  
*****  
  
When she came to, Rachel was lying on a hospital bed with tubes stuck in her everywhere. 'Ow, my butt hurts.' Was her first thought.   
"Rach! You're awake!!!" Came Frank's overjoyed voice.  
"No, I just look awake. You're a bastard Holloway." Rachel slurred, trying to focus on the blurry figure hovering above her which was Frank judging by the shape.   
Frank grinned, ear to ear, knowing she'd be alright.  
"That was a pretty spectacular flight you took!" Frank exclaimed, wincing as he remembered how hard she'd hit the tarmac.  
"Yeah, lotsa fun. How's the kid?" Rachel inquired, remembering every gruesome detail of the call-out.  
"Fine. A bit bruised, but he came off better than you." Frank noted.  
"Surprise, surprise." Rachel muttered sarcastically, discovering that she had a headache as well as a sore bum.  
"And did you get the bastard?" Rachel asked grumpily.  
"Yeh, he was holed up in the safe like you thought with the shop owner and the customers. None of them were hurt in the blast."  
"Great." Rachel muttered.  
"You were out for two hours!" Frank remarked, "And you missed out on the stitches they put into ya!" Frank said like it was something she would have enjoyed.  
"How many?" Rachel asked, now noticing that her ribs and back hurt, and it felt like she'd been stabbed in the shoulder.  
"Twenty-three in total." Frank said proudly.  
"Great. Go away Holloway, you're giving me a headache." Rachel grunted, rolling over, then yelping in pain.  
"Okay then. The doctor said you'll have to stay in overnight at least for observation. Call me if you get bored!" Frank got up to leave, patting Rachel gently on the back.  
"Ow! Holloway, you're a bastard!" Rachel yelled as he patted her bruised ribs.  
Frank smiled and walked out, meeting Helen who was on her way in to visit Rachel with a big bunch of flowers.  
"How is she?" Helen asked in passing.  
"She's in a shitty. She'll be fine." Frank replied, walking down the hallway backwards, bumping into a nurse with a trolley, then apologising profusely.  
Helen laughed and walked into the hospital room. "Rach! How you doing?" Helen chirped.  
"Kick Holloway in the balls for me so he can feel the pain I'm in?" Rachel requested.  
"Sure. I'll take a note of that." Helen laughed.  
'She'll be fine.' She thought with a grin.  
  
*****  
  
Two days later, Rachel limped into work. "Morning Helen!" she said cheerfully.  
"Morning Rachel! How are you feeling?" Helen replied, looking anxiously at Rachel's mean-looking black eye.  
"Fine, bit sore, but I'll live." Rachel replied taking her mail from Helen.  
"I'm glad to hear that." Helen smiled.  
Rachel limped upstairs, and limped into her office, glaring at Frank before sitting down to open a letter from New Zealand. Frank grinned back, and watched her as she read it. "Who's it from?" Frank asked curiously.  
"None of your damn business!" Rachel snapped back.  
"Oh, come on, give me a hint?" Frank begged.  
"It's from my cousin in New Zealand." Rachel replied distractedly.  
"I didn't know you had a cousin in New Zealand!" Frank said looking insulted.  
"Well, I don't tell you everything." Rachel said, glaring at Frank over the top of her letter, wishing he wasn't so damn nosey.  
Frank gave her a big grin to see if she was really in a bad mood, and got a look that had the potential to kill back. Rachel carefully folded up the letter and put it in her draw, and limped out to get a coffee. Frank's curiosity got the best of him and he went over to Rachel's desk and pulled the letter out.  
"Dear Rachel,"  
'Yeh, yeh, where's the good stuff?' he thought.  
"It's lovely and hot here in Wellington, not as hot as Sydney I'll bet. When are you coming to stay with me? I've got a bedroom sorted out for both you and David."  
Frank folded up the letter and shoved it back into the draw as he heard Rachel's limping footsteps and scuttled over to his desk.  
"Frank, what did you do? What did you break?" Rachel asked as she walked in and looked at Frank stretching out in his chair like nothing had happened.  
"Nothing, nothing. Gruts stuck up me butt, that's all." Frank muttered guiltily, scratching his behind.  
"Right." Rachel said slowly, looking at him in her top suspicious detective glare.  
Rachel opened her desk drawer again, saw the messily folded letter, and glared at Frank. "That does it Frank, you're impossible! I can't leave you alone for ONE minute to get a coffee without you snooping around my desk! You're a total arrogant, nosey little bastard, Holloway!" Rachel yelled, as Frank shrunk under his desk to avoid getting melted by her laser blue eyes.  
Rachel limped over to Frank and rummaged around in her back pocket. "That does it Holloway, you're gonna pay for it this time!" Rachel growled, producing a pair of handcuffs.   
"What are ya gonna do to me? Rach? Rach! No, not the handcuffs Rach!" Frank squirmed as Rachel grabbed his wrists so tightly it hurt.  
"Holloway, you've seen me break a guy's wrist when he didn't co-operate. Do you want me to do it again?" Rachel grunted, twisting Frank's wrist so hard he gasped.  
"Na, na, it's okay." Frank muttered as Rachel slotted the handcuffs through a gap in the chair and slapped them on his wrists.  
  
*****  
  
After about ten minutes, Rachel was happily catching up on gossip from Woodsie downstairs when Frank's complaining became audible. "Rach, oh, come on Rach, you can't leave me here!" came Frank's muffled voice.  
"Oh yes I can!" Rachel yelled in reply.  
Woodsie looked at Rachel like she was nuts. "I cuffed him because he was snooping." Rachel explained.   
Woodsie grinned and went back outside to help Tommy and Gavin moor the Nemesis as they arrived.  
"Rach!"  
"Shut up Frank! I'm not letting you go." Rachel yelled again.  
"Rachel, are you going to let him go?" Helen inquired.  
"Not for a while, that's for sure!" Rachel smirked.  
"Raaaaaaaach! Come oooooooon!" Frank whined.  
"No!" Rachel roared back.  
"Did I ever tell you that the best place in the world for getting sheilas is Brizzy? Yeh....." Frank continued.  
"Helen, have you got any masking tape?" Rachel asked.  
"Yes, that I do." Helen said, rummaging through her drawers and producing a large roll.  
"Thanks Helen!" Rachel said and started limping up the stairs again.  
"Rach! Knew ya wouldn't leave me here! Say, what's the masking tape for?" Frank asked curiously.  
"See Holloway! Told you you were too nosey!" Rachel muttered as she slapped several large pieces of tape over his mouth.  
"Mmmphrphrmmphr!" Frank moaned.   
"Yeah, whatever Frank. Now, I've got a job to do. Have to go and investigate a burglary. You want to come? Didn't think so." Rachel said, ignoring Frank's rapidly bobbing head.  
"Bye!" she called as she limped down the corridor, satisfied with the knowledge that she'd given him what he'd deserved.  
"Mmmphr! Mmmphr!" Frank mumbled as he heard Rachel go down the stairs, realising she was serious.  
Jeff walked in to see if Rachel was there. "Frank? I'm not even going to ask." Jeff stated, looking totally bewildered, and walked out again.  
"Mefff! Mmphpepper? Momom! Mememomee?"  
  
*****  
  
That night while preparing dinner, Rachel heard a knock at the door. "Frank? So, Helen managed to find the key did she?" Rachel laughed as she opened the door to see Frank standing there.  
"Yeh, in me pocket. How did you do it?" Frank asked, producing her handcuffs from his trouser pocket.  
"There you go being nosey again Francis Holloway. Will you never learn?" Rachel laughed.  
"Nope." Frank replied.  
"You coming in or are you going to stand there looking like a penguin in a suit with a bad tie?" Rachel asked.  
"What's wrong with my tie?" Frank asked, feeling a strange sense of déjà vu.   
"Nothing, it's been my favourite for years!" Rachel laughed, remembering what she'd said a few years ago when he'd asked the very same question.  
  
*****  
  
"Night, Frank!" Rachel called as Frank got into his car.  
"Night Rach!" Frank returned.  
Rachel shut the door as Frank drove off, and went back upstairs to relax in the lounge. She jumped as she heard her mobile ring. "Goldstein?" she answered.  
"Yeh, it's Santa here again. The reindeer just wanted to say goodnight." Frank imitated a Santa 'hohoho!'.   
"Yeah, tell them that I say happy Hanukkah, because I don't celebrate Christmas." Rachel replied.  
"Will do. Night!" Frank said with a yawn.  
"Night." Rachel hung up and went to bed.  
  
*****  
*****  
  
So, what did you guys think? Any good? Tell me if you liked it! Feedback would be greatly appreciated! My e-mail address is sydneygirl2b@hotmail.com okay?  



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